Archive for December, 2007
Thursday, December 20th, 2007
The other day, walking down the street, we happened upon an unshaven old man asleep in a car. Gently, we shook him awake and, after a while he invited us back to his house, where he made us herbal tea and fed us herbal cake, showed us old photo albums of happier days, and told us a sad, sad story of grand gestures gone awry on a skiing jolly with a gang of happy yuppies…
When he passed out again at the end of his tale we nicked the photos and his stash and you know, a couple of DVD players and stuff, but only so we could run back to you and share the tale. Here - the self same sad, sad story, in the very words of the mumbling man.
“Yeah, this was my car. It was a jeep. I think.” These were his first words. We looked at our watches and hoped that either this story was going to get better, or at the very least his memory might improve.
“That’s me!” he said. “Hello me!!!”
We pointed out that with his big eyes and his feather-cut, he looked an awful lot like Princess Diana back then. He seemed really pleased, which is funny, because we didn’t mean it in a good way …
[Find the full deconstruction, with pictures - the only way it makes sense, really - here]
Humour, Pickard of the pops |
Thursday, December 20th, 2007
Thursday December 20, 2007
The Guardian, G2 section, Shortcuts
350 words
W00t - an interjection, used to convey excitement. And now, says the Merriam-Webster dictionary, 2007’s word of the year - albeit one coined at least 15 years ago by early internet users. But with this development, internet slang, verb-acronyms, creative misspellings, portmanteux and joyfully painful grammar, is officially no longer confined to life online. A simple guide to some other popular terms from the geektionary includes:
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Humour, Features |
Monday, December 17th, 2007
Originally appearing as part of this feature by Stephen Armstrong on new lifestyle channel for men, ‘Dave’. Media Guardian section, December 17 2007
Imagine … if there was a channel for women
The home of witless chatter! OMG! Something excruciatingly fabulous has happened! Overnight, and like the natural metamorphosis that blindly follows other natural successfully rebranded metamorphoses, UKTV Living has, like, totally, rebranded as the hilariously super SUSAN! It’s like having a girls’ night out, but on your own, and “in”, rather than “out”!
Monday
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Television, Features |
Friday, December 14th, 2007
Paddington is far from being the only character whose behaviour could be subject to legal questions
[for books.guardian.co.uk blog, 850 words]
The news that Paddington Bear has got into “a bit of a kerfuffle” with the Metropolitan police in Micheal Bond’s new set of stories about the loveable London bear has rocked the imaginary world of children’s book characters this week.
For if children’s book characters are to be held accountable to the laws of whichever country they live in, are read in, or written in, then many, right now, are very worried. At least according to imaginary “pals” close to the troubled figments.
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Humour, Features |
Wednesday, December 12th, 2007
… Here they are, the Fast Food Rockers, a band of three people and as many hits (ever) displaying all the things that can happen when you’re too camp for the campest market of all: Christmas.
But suddenly it all ended for them, The Fast Food Rockers were scooped up by a magical sleigh fllled with no presents at all, only a big blue dog. This is not Father Christmas’s sleigh: No, this is what happens when you haven’t been good enough for Father Christmas to come to your house. Instead, the Big Blue Dog called “Hot Dog” or something similar will come to your house and …
Well, you should just try to be good. That is all…
[Find the full deconstruction, with pictures - the only way it makes sense, really - here]
Humour, Pickard of the pops |
Monday, December 10th, 2007
Dinner party novice Anna Pickard learns how to cook a festive four-course feast. Well, in theory, at least …
[For Life & Style site, Guardian.co.uk, 1100 words]
The man with the very sharp knife is telling me - no, ordering me - that by lunchtime today, I will no longer be afraid of throwing dinner parties. In fact, I will be so comfortable with the concept that I will immediately leave here, call six friends, and have them dining on finest beef wellington in brioche with a simple red wine sauce before you can say ‘Blimey, that’s unlikely!’
Well, OK, Adam Byatt doesn’t quite promise that - we can’t expect miracles. But the idea is that by the time Christmas rolls around, I will be able to entertain a very small crowd with ease and even a sense of enjoyment. We shall see …
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Travel & Food, Features |
Monday, December 10th, 2007
[For The Guardian, 380 words, G2 supplement television pages]
Junior Mastermind
7pm, BBC1
Wherein cute and slightly precocious youths sit up straight in the big black chair and answer questions on weighty subjects like the life of Mahatma Gandhi, Antarctica and 17th-century Dutch painters. This, from a programme where the adult competitors get to answer questions on the life and career of Jennifer Aniston. Still, now we grown-ups can collapse on the sofa and feel slightly reassured that the future of Britain as encapsulated in her children is not going to hell in a handbasket after all.
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Television |
Friday, December 7th, 2007
[For The Guardian, 380 words, G2 supplement television pages]
First Cut: The Rules of Seduction
7.35pm, Channel 4
As film-maker John Farrar puts it: “The Game gives socially awkward men a voice with which to talk to women.” In fact, it’s a bunch of bottom-feeders with little respect for themselves and absolutely none for the women they collect. It’s not even about sex for these slimy wee numpties - including one Russell Brand wannabe - it’s about “winning”. Worth watching for tips on how to spot these nasty specimens in the wild: if someone opens with, “I was wondering if you could settle an argument?” run. Fast.
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Television |
Thursday, December 6th, 2007
[For The Guardian, 380 words, G2 supplement television pages]
Arrange Me a Marriage
8pm, BBC2
With about 700,000 month-long relationships behind him and an annoyingly lazy attitude to apparently everything, it is less than surprising that rock fan Trevor is not yet married, and more than surprising that his lovely, patient family have managed not to kill him. Yet. Aneela Rahman is brought in to arrange an introduction party and, with the help of his loving family and friends, carefully whittles down the possibilities and finds a person they all agree may well be his perfect partner. And what does he do with this grand gesture, this beautiful opportunity? Oh, wait and see.
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Television |
Wednesday, December 5th, 2007
… We are in a north London boozer. I know that mainly because I read it on the YouTube page, which says that this, the second video for this beautiful track by the Maccabees, planned for the post-mobile-phone-advert re-release of the song, was filmed in a north London boozer. I’m just assuming YouTube is telling the truth. That’s investigative journalism for you…
[Find the full deconstruction, with pictures - the only way it makes sense, really - here]
Humour, Pickard of the pops |